FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups  <strong>Gallery</strong>Gallery  RegisterRegister   ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 
INDEX PAGE

Poszukujemy osób, które jeśli mają ku temu ochotę zajęły się publicystyką, recenzjami płyt muzycznych, korektą stylistyczną tekstów, redagowaniem biografii zespołów, newsami oraz wszystkim tym, co wam przyjdzie do głowy, a uważacie, iż powinno znaleźć swoje miejsce na portalu. kontakt: admin@darknation.eu
Ostatnio na forum
2. Ambient Collage #8
30-11-16, 02:06 - yy28
3. Ambient Collage #7
29-05-16, 21:05 - yy28
4. Mgla (The Mist)
04-05-16, 15:00 - Vexatus
5. Achaja
04-05-16, 14:54 - Vexatus
6. hey ppl !
14-03-16, 11:14 - westoneugene
Forum Index » General chat » Humor » Jokes
Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Odin


Offline 



Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Posts: 18

PostPosted: 14-02-2005, 12:37    Post subject: Jokes Quote selected Reply with quote

A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread"?
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We dont. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Dya eat jelly with the bread"?
Canadian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We dont. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once you ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We dont. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Lux in Tenebris


Offline 
Gender: Gender:Female


Joined: 05 Feb 2005
Posts: 164
Location: la France

PostPosted: 15-02-2005, 21:25    Post subject: Quote selected Reply with quote

heh.. that was good:]

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma’s idea!

[ Dodano: 15-02-05, 21:31 ]
The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here’s an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I’d tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Gothycka Mucha
Moderator

Offline 
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 33
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 1152
Location: Miasto Kominów

PostPosted: 18-02-2005, 20:49    Post subject: Quote selected Reply with quote

Gun Shop Owner: Hi, How can I help you?
Client: I am looking for a gun.
Owner: What kind of gun are you looking for?
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): That one looks about right.
Owner: (very surprised): Why do you need a .44 magnum?
Client: It is for shooting at cans.
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun) Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: (pointing again at the .44) Nah, I need this one.
Owner: OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: Mexi-cans... Puerto Ri-cans... Afri-cans...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Perfect Witch
Redaktor

Offline 
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 34
Zodiac: Aries
Joined: 13 May 2004
Posts: 187
Location: Zgierz

PostPosted: 19-06-2005, 12:49    Post subject: Quote selected Reply with quote

Your Abbreviated Guide to Proper YankeeTalk
If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this guide may help you understand what they are sayin', (but I doubt it).
- Pahty: A place to go to drink and socialize - nothing to do with Mother Nature.
- ah: The letter between "q" & "s."
- ahnt: Sistah of your fathah or muthah.
- bah: Serves beah and hahd likkah: "The train to Noo Yok has a bah cah." bay
- ah: Ferocious brown or black animal.
- beah: Malt beverage.
- bahn: As in: "What yeah were you bahn in?"
- bzah: Strange, odd.
- Chahlz: The rivah.
- chowdah: Clams, milk, buttah.
- cahn: Stahchy veggie that comes on a cob.
- connah: Where streets intersect.
- fah: Not neah heah
- fahk: What you eat pahster with.
- fiah: Blaze
- Gahden: What they closed last yeah (also a place to plant flowahs.)
- hahbah: What they dumped tea into in 1773.
- Hahvid: Preppy college across the rivah.
- hahf-ahst: Done without regahd to detail.
- heah: Done with the eahs. "Listen my children, and you shall heah of the midnight ride of Paul Reveah."
- khakis: What you staht the cah with and keep on yawh key chain.
- nawtheastah: Stahm that blows in from the wottah.
- Noo Yok: Sinkhole 240 miles south of Tremont Street.
- owah: Sixty minutes.
- pahk: Cahn't do it in Hahvad Yahd. Not downtown, eithah.
- pahster: spaghetti, ziti, etc.
- pastah: The rectah of a parish, like St. Mahgrits.
- pichahs: They throw fastballs at Fenway.
- Rawjah: He *used to* throw the fastest fastballs at Fenway.....
- Reveah: He rode through Ahlington on a hoss shouting, "To Ahms!"
- shuah: Of course
- shot: Not tall.
- wof: A peeah, jutting into the hahbah.
- wottah: H2O
- yeah: A 365 day period.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
yaya_boo


Offline 
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 29
Zodiac: Libra
Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 49
Location: los angeles

PostPosted: 01-05-2007, 22:01    Post subject: Re: Jokes Quote selected Reply with quote

Odin wrote:
A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread"?
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We dont. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Dya eat jelly with the bread"?
Canadian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We dont. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once you ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We dont. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."



ooohhhhh hahahahahhaa... i hate most americans, they are so erogant.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger Skype Name
Marlane John


Offline 



Joined: 13 Dec 2012
Posts: 1

PostPosted: 13-12-2012, 10:50    Post subject: Re: hi Quote selected Reply with quote

This world is beautiful.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Forum Index » General chat » Humor » Jokes

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group