Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Location: Miasto Kominów
|Posted: 05-07-2006, 10:12 Post subject: STEFANIA DIMMEN (third excerpt from DIAVOLOSPERMA book)
Hard childhood! I always had an optimistic spirit in my pessimism. Namely, I have always detected or created the difficulties and then worked them out. I was born and grew up in a country town of Greece, Larissa. My parents were of the middle class and, in my mind, they have always been really close to each other, a couple shut off from the rest of the world to live their love. I would say that they have been particularly lucky to have me as their child, given that one sole companion can not provide always this "other intensity" required to fill one's life. My brother was a normal boy, without any particular orientations and goals. Conveniently absent - minded. As a child, I lived in my own world, going fanatically to the church and I liked watching wedding and baptism ceremonies. I remember that every Sunday I was helping in the distribution of the sweets in various weddings and baptisms. And I was making good extra money. I dealt with my transsexuality really early, since I was 14. Psychologically I mean. An important peak of my personality as a child was that I found out really soon that I wasn't just anybody. I discovered the thrill, the revolution and solitary feeling but mostly the sense of creativity, which keeps the spark alive. I remember vividly that I was barely 8 years old, when after having read many fables, I put my saddle-bag on my shoulder and I literally run away from home. A lost child in the streets looking for… what? I have always been the child that everybody adored. And I mean everybody! I was particularly smart so as to understand both the positive and the negative side of people's love. This brilliant attitude was in my
opinion the reason why I had to face at once problems of all natures during my early adolescence. Financial problems, quarrels at home, my father's health problems, my brother working hard, while I was so beautiful that even my parents didn't let me work. And delicate.
My musical personality started developing since I was 11 years old. My first tape was the Cure's "THE HEAD ON THE DOOR", which I had taken secretly from my cyber-punk cousin, with whom I was very in love…secretly. I remember my self as a keen observer of life. At school I was not a very good pupil. I remember that as soon as they were giving us the books I was taking them and covering them with photos of various Rock Stars. Being really reactionary and subversive, I was going to
school wearing safety-pins, armbands, ribands and lace gloves. When I was entering the courtyard I was hooted by about 1500 persons. I really liked it…totally…all the boys were coming to me for company!
However, I preferred the company of girls. I exorcised my charm hanging out with them, while I was trying to convince them that they were all luckier than me. And they were. When we were going on school excursions each one of them had her flirt and at the parties, each one had her boyfriend. I was dancing alone.
I started hanging out with a head-banger, in high school. Then, my mother was for the first time chagrined, when she caught us red handed in our lounge, discovering love. He was listening to IRON MAIDEN… and my mother was crying.
My mother… it would take a whole book to write about her. She was always borrowing money to give me buy my shit: records, make up, magazines, clothes etc. My father has always been stingy. He believed that since I had a home to live in and food to eat, it should be enough.
The carnival was my solution and my victory later on. I dressed as an Anarchist-punk in my 14 and the "THESSALIC SELECTIONS" was the first magazine that published a picture of me, A REALLY BIG ONE! with the following legend: "Wild dress, which can not hide neither the femininity nor the beauty!". I was swollen-headed. I started going out with a crazy gay, Vangel, who was like my sister. We were going from club to club and from disco to disco and we were making history with our sexy dancing. Rock in Athens, I am thinking to escape by the time I was 13 but they stop me and they send me camping to Platamonas.
When I was 17, I started a more introvert search. I read books; I studied POE, RIMBAUD, BIUBI and many others. Confined in the house, I watched my hair getting longer while I was discovering my bizarre beauty every day, more and more. My mother screamed when I bought a black shirt. Once she did, I established the black color everywhere. Behind the absolute darkness, look for the absolute light, yes I have always been a fun of the purely classic order of the ideology and the thinking mode of the Goths.
My first sexual experience was in a train where a 27-year-old soldier took the initiative to introduce me to the world of the oral sex.
By the time I was 18, I had a rich collection of Punk, gothic and rock records and suddenly I go into hysteria and I sell all of them. The conflicts on my freedom had already begun my father didn’t want me going out. He stopped giving me pocket-money. I believe he had it in for me but he managed to hide it, I think I was 16 years old when Siouxsie and The Banshees were performing in Thessalonica. YOU ARE NOT GOING! YES, I AM! YOU ARE NOT! I AM! If you go, don't you ever come back! I don't care! Lost in the punk era in Thessalonica, I was drinking beers and meeting the most interesting extreme characters.
However, I must admit that the sense of survival and the feeling of being different were fighting inside me.
I was walking down towards the courts and I was staring at these strange goddesses walking the streets. I also met a goddess who was housing me and feeding me. She liked my free and anarchist spirit and while she was a made woman economically, going out from store to store, I was her little attendant and I admit that I was o.k. with the idea. The same happened with other bright GAY people that I met, who gave me their friendship and their free spirits.
STEFANIA DIMMEN'S "DIAVOLOSPERMA" is due to be released sometime in the future.
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